A founder’s reflection · October 2026
Clever is not the same as connected
What strong students taught me about belonging
There is an assumption I used to share, and I suspect many people still do: that the most capable people are the ones who are fine. The student with top marks, the confident new manager, the person everyone else turns to. Surely they have this part of life sorted.
Working with first-year Engineering students at Stellenbosch cured me of that assumption. These are young people who have done remarkably well to get there. Yet when we invited them to reflect on the stories of senior students, many wrote with striking honesty about the same things: the worry about money, finding their way without family who had been to university, stepping out of what was comfortable, learning to ask for help, and the effort of building new friendships. Being able was no shield against wondering whether they belonged.
Do not save your welcome for the people who look lost.
I find this both sobering and freeing. Sobering, because it means the people who look settled may be quietly carrying the most. Freeing, because it means none of us needs to feel ashamed of the struggle. If the strongest students in a demanding programme feel it, it is simply part of being human in a new place.
For anyone who builds community, the lesson is practical. Do not save your welcome for the people who look lost. Build it into the way your group works, so that everyone receives it: the clear invitation, the introduction to two or three people, the small group where a newcomer can be known by name, the regular moment when anyone can say how things are really going. The capable ones will be glad of it too, even if they never say so.
And for the capable person reading this who feels a little alone: you are allowed to need people. Needing them is not a weakness in a strong person. It is one of the things that makes a strong person whole.
Dr Alten du PlessisFounder, BelongWell4Life
Take it further
- Belonging Lab: short, research-based exercises you can run with your own group
- Weave Well: look after the friendships you already have and grow new ones
Further reading: Du Plessis, Viljoen, Blaine, Tadie and Wolff (2024), WEEF-GEDC, IEEE: doi.org/10.1109/WEEF-GEDC63419.2024.10854938.